[LMB] OT: men's responsibilities...

PAT MATHEWS mathews55 at msn.com
Thu, 31 Jan 2002 18:41:08 -0700


>From: Kiri Aradia Morgan <tiamat at tsoft.com>
>Thank you, Laura-- and please not that it was not just men who were
>complaining.
>
>I have real problems with this.  Autistic children, like this one, can't
>tell you if they're being abused.  I and several other children were
>molested (not raped, but still) by a female babysitter in our early
>childhood. Our parents ignored us because we didn't know HOW to tell them
>what was going on.  I also remember being locked in a closet by this crazy
>old b*tch.  All they knew was that all the kids screamed when it was time
>to go to Mrs. C's house, but not why.  20 years later it all comes out.

That's why,when I put my kids in a day care and they dragged their heels at 
going, I took them very seriously and kept looking. At least today we're 
more conscious of the fact that the kids *do* have reasons for fussing about 
that sort of thing! Grrr...kill the old monster.

> > However, many of the manipulative games are played with all of us.
> > Certainly we are not happy with the care he gets.  He gets no set
> > bedtimes or routines, and for an autistic kid especially that can
> > wreak havoc the first few days he's back.  (He'll often fall asleep on
> > the way home - 4 or 5 pm - and sleep straight through supper and all
> > night.  Scary.) All of his daycare providers in the past and teachers
> > have been able to tell which weeks he's had visitation on the weekend
> > due to behaviour changes.  After an extended visit, like the Xmas
> > grandparent visit, we had to reteach him many of his manners.  He
> > sometimes gets no baths.  My ex's girlfriend has been in repeated
> > abusive relationships, including ones she's willingly gone back to,
> > which leaves me terrified she'll follow the most typical pattern and
> > abuse my son - and for an autistic kid, I *can't* get details from him
> > of what's happened.  Etc.

Somebody needs to get a new judge -- one who will listen --- and a new 
verdict. Is there NOBODY in your state who you can appeal to?

> > And what's worst for us, the reason we would so desperately wish my
> > husband could adopt him, is that so much of our life hangs in the
> > balance of fear.  My husband has been Daddy to my son most of his
> > life.  But if I were killed, they'd never get to see each other again.
>
>Need she say more?  I don't think so.  This child has the right, if
>something happens to his mother, NOT to be forced out of his home and away
>from his DADDY to go live with this yutz just because this yutz's sperm
>went into making him.

God. What ever happened to "The best interests of the child?"

>
> > We've worked hard to afford living in an area with a good school
> > district that has a program to help with the autism - if I were
> > killed, he'd be forced to a bad neighborhood and school district.
> > We'd like to move out of the LA area sometime in the next few years,
> > hopefully to where we can get a house with a yard, a safe neighborhood
> > to play in, and a good school district without having to pay godawful
> > rents

Maybe being in LA is part of the problem. I can't speak for other states or 
other parts of California, but I know living out there is hideously 
expensive.

>It's not fair.

Amen!

>
> > I keep trying to find ways to make the best of it, just get on with
> > grinding my teeth down some more and deal with it.  But I must say it
> > leaves me awfully unsympathetic with fathers' rights stuff.

That's not a father. That's a sperm donor.

If you want to hide out from Daddy and whatever law he has on his side, come 
on down to New Mexico.


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