[LMB] OT: men's responsibilities...

PAT MATHEWS mathews55 at msn.com
Thu, 31 Jan 2002 18:41:08 -0700

>From: Kiri Aradia Morgan <tiamat at tsoft.com>
>Thank you, Laura-- and please not that it was not just men who were
>I have real problems with this.  Autistic children, like this one, can't
>tell you if they're being abused.  I and several other children were
>molested (not raped, but still) by a female babysitter in our early
>childhood. Our parents ignored us because we didn't know HOW to tell them
>what was going on.  I also remember being locked in a closet by this crazy
>old b*tch.  All they knew was that all the kids screamed when it was time
>to go to Mrs. C's house, but not why.  20 years later it all comes out.

That's why,when I put my kids in a day care and they dragged their heels at 
going, I took them very seriously and kept looking. At least today we're 
more conscious of the fact that the kids *do* have reasons for fussing about 
that sort of thing! Grrr...kill the old monster.

> > However, many of the manipulative games are played with all of us.
> > Certainly we are not happy with the care he gets.  He gets no set
> > bedtimes or routines, and for an autistic kid especially that can
> > wreak havoc the first few days he's back.  (He'll often fall asleep on
> > the way home - 4 or 5 pm - and sleep straight through supper and all
> > night.  Scary.) All of his daycare providers in the past and teachers
> > have been able to tell which weeks he's had visitation on the weekend
> > due to behaviour changes.  After an extended visit, like the Xmas
> > grandparent visit, we had to reteach him many of his manners.  He
> > sometimes gets no baths.  My ex's girlfriend has been in repeated
> > abusive relationships, including ones she's willingly gone back to,
> > which leaves me terrified she'll follow the most typical pattern and
> > abuse my son - and for an autistic kid, I *can't* get details from him
> > of what's happened.  Etc.

Somebody needs to get a new judge -- one who will listen --- and a new 
verdict. Is there NOBODY in your state who you can appeal to?

> > And what's worst for us, the reason we would so desperately wish my
> > husband could adopt him, is that so much of our life hangs in the
> > balance of fear.  My husband has been Daddy to my son most of his
> > life.  But if I were killed, they'd never get to see each other again.
>Need she say more?  I don't think so.  This child has the right, if
>something happens to his mother, NOT to be forced out of his home and away
>from his DADDY to go live with this yutz just because this yutz's sperm
>went into making him.

God. What ever happened to "The best interests of the child?"

> > We've worked hard to afford living in an area with a good school
> > district that has a program to help with the autism - if I were
> > killed, he'd be forced to a bad neighborhood and school district.
> > We'd like to move out of the LA area sometime in the next few years,
> > hopefully to where we can get a house with a yard, a safe neighborhood
> > to play in, and a good school district without having to pay godawful
> > rents

Maybe being in LA is part of the problem. I can't speak for other states or 
other parts of California, but I know living out there is hideously 

>It's not fair.


> > I keep trying to find ways to make the best of it, just get on with
> > grinding my teeth down some more and deal with it.  But I must say it
> > leaves me awfully unsympathetic with fathers' rights stuff.

That's not a father. That's a sperm donor.

If you want to hide out from Daddy and whatever law he has on his side, come 
on down to New Mexico.

MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos: