[LMB] Women in Combat (OT: joke)
Mark A Mandel
mam at theworld.com
Fri, 1 Feb 2002 13:29:28 -0500
This came from a chart relative of mine, synchronously with the Women in
Combat thread. Enjoy!
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Women in War!!
Take all Canadian and American women who are within five years of
menopause- train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons,
grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate,
and canned tuna.
Drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan,
and let us do what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard
stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make
even armed men in turbans tremble. We've had our children, we would gladly
suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from
our husbands, if they haven't left already.
And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man
with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning.
We have nothing to lose. We've survived the water diet, the protein
diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas
across North America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in
the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars,
hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be
Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh,
please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended
families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ... we understand
tribal warfare. Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every
trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and
money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it
.... with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as
we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain. I'm
going to write my Government. You should, too!