[LMB] Rabid Foaming Weasels OT:

Marna Nightingale marna at redmaplegrove.org
Wed, 06 Feb 2002 21:13:40 -0500


Eric Oppen wrote:
 
> I like to explain to people that, contrary to popular opinion and rumors, I
> am NOT superhuman and SUCK ROYALLY at mind-reading.  "I am a _guy,_ and I Do
> Not Do ambiguity...or hints...or indirection. 

And I am a grrl, and I DO do all three, having been, from a very very young age,
raised to think that this is my _job_. Having to be TOLD most things is a sign
of selfishness, personal failing, cluelessness, generally humiliating, etc. 

In the case of the OAFB, this led to a truly nasty situation over time:

(deliberately extreme but true example, nothing Eric would ever do...) 

The OAFB thinks that "Dear, I think it would be good if you wore some clothes
outside your room when my mother was staying with us" is ambiguous.  After all,
I didn't say I WANTED him to.  It's just my opinion. 

*I* thought that saying "Dear, you WILL refrain from wander around naked while
my mother is here, RIGHT?" would be kind of insulting. And would receive the
response "what do you think I am, an orangutang?" 

Because that is what I would say if someone expressed such an obvious thing to
me. After I unbent from the freezing glare phase. 

By contrast, he very rarely had to ask me to do anything, because I'm good at
that.  I'd just do stuff I knew he liked or wanted, if I was otherwise okay with
it. 

Result? The perpetual feeling on both sides that I 'owed' him numerous favours
at all times, because I was "always" asking him to do things and he "never"
asked me to do anything. 

A certain (read large) amount of resentment on my side because in my universe,
"do not wander around naked in front of conservative 66 year old women you don't
know well, especially those to whom your partner happens to be related" is NOT a
special request. 

It's, like, in the basic human behaviour manual.  

Result of discussing this? He thought I should switch over to his standards of
behaviour, so that things would be "fair". 

Result of me trying this for 2 days? I felt like a jerk all the time. Because I
DID know, and knowing and ignoring seemed churlish. 
So, I get to be unhappy, or I get to be unhappy. BAD deal. 

Long term result? He's someone else's Nature Boy now ... 

Marna, sure that Eric is talking about much more obscure things, but still. 
-- 
Marna Nightingale
marna at redmaplegrove.org
~~~~~
"Women should not be enlightened or educated in any way. They should, in fact,
be segregated as they are the cause of hideous and involuntary erections in holy men."
St. Augustine.