[LMB] List-biz and why people leave, was Explaining Stuff To Kids OT:

Laura Gallagher celticdragonfly at gmail.com
Fri Dec 15 18:02:23 GMT 2006


> > Not wanting to be drawn and quartered, I will withhold any further comment.
>
> Friend, if you're still mad, haul it out and throw it down. We'll deal
> with it. If you're not, please stop playing slap-and-run. It's not a
> good look on you.
>
> Marna.

Okay, in another thread, Marna asked me about why these problems
happen, and what should be changed for it.  And I've been thinking,
and trying to come up with some answers.

Mostly the answer is I don't know, which is why I haven't been
suggesting things before.  Plus I figure I'm going to get hammered for
whatever answer I come up with, and I don't like that.

But a lot of what I've been stirring around as an answer is that the
people who do the coming-down on those who have ended up leaving have
a very hard style - as someone else said "debate as a full-contact
sport".  And the rest of us don't.  And generally the attitude of
those who do have it has come across as "well, WE'RE that tough, and
you should be too, and if you're not hard as nails and don't enjoy
being smacked, there's a problem with you."

And so people leave.

The person not wanting to be drawn and quartered has been slapped for
expressing opinions, and is now refusing to share personal opinions.
Sensible reaction from where I see it.

And what Marna is now objecting to as best as I can see is that he's
actually showing that he's been slapped, hasn't liked it, and is now
withholding his opinion.

Most of the others have just left.  And then people ask how have we
lost these important things on the list.

Marna, "we'll deal with it" in the context of this list means "show
that you didn't like what we did before, and we'll do more of it, and
if you're not into debate as a full contact support, then you'll
leave".

It may get "dealt with" in a way that the tough as nails,
slap-me-in-the-face-and-I-like-it types feel is dealing with it - but
that's not how everybody does things.

Laura Gallagher


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