[LMB] TSK Passage copy

Lois McMaster Bujold lbujold at myinfmail.com
Fri Aug 17 16:06:52 BST 2007

Trialia Xua trialia at gmail.com
Fri Aug 17 10:26:16 BST 2007

Looks lovely! I can't wait. :D I have yet to gather enough spare cash to buy
my own copies of Beguilement and Legacy, despite the fact that I've already
read them both twice. "Motley band" makes me cringe just a little bit,

***  It was the least of the cliches to be found in the original 
version.  And well, not wrong exactly; pretty much everyone on a 
frontier river system qualifies as motley.  Or grubby.  I suppose I 
could have substituted grubby or one of its synonyms, but I was more 
interested in extirpating "true love" and a number of even more 
wince-worthy items.   Spoilers, turns of phrase that misrepresented 
events, and so on.  "A pair of novice Lakewalker patrollers" was "a pair 
of Lakewalker apprentices" in the original, ferex.  Also not quite 
wrong, but since I've made the distinction in prior books that 
apprentices go with makers, no one would picture patrollers.  That is, 
no one who'd read the prior books which, granted, is unlikely to include 
the audience to which this ad copy is aimed.

Good luck in editing! Or whatever it is that you have to do as the next
step? (I'm not awake yet.)


***  Edit pass on #3 is thankfully complete, hence the celebratory 
posts.  Next up is re-assembling Book #4 in my head, scattered to the 
winds at present, and picking up its threads where I last broke off.  
Well, before that is catching up on the most immediate life-maintenance 
chores, so they won't leap out at me from ambush just as I get something 

Ta, L.

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