[LMB] Predators vs. Protectors

[Tzivia Adler]

> Marna;
> Chivalrous men do this also, actually; their criteria and their price
> may be more reasonable, but the transaction remains the same at bottom.
>
>onyxhawke at onyxhawke.com
> Golly, thank you for equating the normal protective behaviors and 
> consentual relations with rape. You've just saved me the trouble of even 
> attempting to take anything you say seriously in the future.
>
>

errrr... keeping this out of the bedroom, can i offer several examples in 
both directions?

The Holding Of The Door
I ( a girl-person) have often have the door help open for me by a gentleman, 
even when my hands were empty.  i have had both men adn women let the door 
shut in my face.  I hold the door, if i notice someone coming behind me.  i 
don't like a door swinging shut in my face, i try not to do it to others.
is the door thing good or bad?
often - mostly - the man holding the door will offer a pleasant smile, and i 
will smile back. we both walk away, sure the world is a little nicer than it 
was.  in some cases, the man's smile is not-quite pleasant, and i feel his 
eyeballs trying to get under my skirt as i walk away.  is he entitled?  he 
was chivalrous, after all.  protective behavior, and all that. and yet, as i 
walked away from that door, i checked which shops were open in case the man 
should start following me.  i was scared.  i don't like being scared anymore 
than other people.  and the few - i note that it was indeed few - times 
chivalry-with-a-price happened, i was really, really cautious of other door 
holders.    this was no fault of theirs, but i don't think they walked away 
with htat world-is-nicer feeling, anyhow.


Helping With Packages
i have several children, and often took strollers on the subway - the new 
york subway, allegedly home of the most rude people around.  i never, ever 
had to haul the stroller and toddler up or down the stairs myself.  someone, 
usually male, offered to help every time.  i was always happy to accept 
the -offer- .  one time, as i was bumping the stroller up, step by step, a 
man lifted the free end of the stroller.  i nearly fell over, down half a 
flight of concrete stairs, bec the unexpected lift tipped the end i was 
holding on to.  yes i wanted/needed help, but not completely at random. 
(note, ask a w\o\m\a\n\ person what she wants)

if a woman - or anyone - is being beat up, i personally would not physically 
interfere, bec i know it wouln't help.  cell phones were made for situations 
like this.  saying loudly, POLICE WE NEED HELP IN XXX LOCATION might make 
the predator run.  this is not an appropriate situation wehre asking if help 
is needed.

although i notice that every fast-food place where a CPR chart is hanging, 
shows the first step is ASK: are you choking?

ziviya