[LMB] Single children (Was China)

[Raye Johnsen]

--- Elizabeth Holden <azurite at rogers.com> wrote:

> Surely that's in the hands of the adults?  It's hard
> for me to imagine such a situation, being
> from several generations of small and late families.
> But I have also observed that people tend to
> jump to the conclusion that only children will be
> spoiled even when there is absolutely no
> evidence of this, and I really - not just for
> egotistical reasons - don't think it's true.

If I may make an observation of a personal nature? 
Elizabeth, from recent discussions, I have come to the
conclusion that you were raised very well, by two very
good people.

The stereotype of the only child being spoilt is
derived, I think, from the fact that until recently
(the last century or so) people who were not extremely
wealthy and had many children couldn't afford to give
them very much very often - if you had to work in the
field from dawn to dusk every day, carving a toy for
your kid would take a while (months) and if you had
four kids, that's 1-2 new toys a year.  But the only
child would get all the five or six her father could
make.  From the outside, that would look like spoiling
- the child was getting a new toy just as she grew
tired of the old one.  That, combined with the fact
that the child, being the sole focus of all the
parental attention and being the only recipient of the
family's resources, would create a child who would
come to *expect* attention and access to those
resources - why wouldn't they, when there's no
competition for it nor reason to deny it them? - gives
rise to the image of someone who gets what they want,
when they want it.  In other words, a spoilt child.  

I'm sure there were and are many only children who
were and are being raised well and with loving
parental discipline.  But I'm also sure there were
many that were not, and they, combined with the envy
from the children who had to share parental attention
and resources, are responsible for the image.

Raye




       
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