[LMB] TSK:B,L,&P - Sex, Contraception, and Catch-22

Azalais Aranxta tiamat at tsoft.com
Fri May 9 17:45:29 BST 2008

On Fri, 9 May 2008, micki  yamada wrote:

> Just want to say, not every Asian mother of a male is a
> power-mad, controlling passive agressive. (-: Although I've
> heard lots of stories second-hand that makes me believe there's
> a reason for the stereotype. MY MIL is an angel, and she lets
> me have my own way, pretty much.

That's awesome.  I wasn't so lucky, my ex-husband had a huge case
of oldest son's disease.  But I wouldn't let it stop me from
marrying another Asian male if we could iron out the religious
issues that weren't a factor in my life back then (and of course,
we were in love).

> In fact, one of my problems is trying to fit into the Good Wife
> roles that *society* imposes, but my MIL and husband don't seem
> to have very much interest in perpetuating.

It's kind of amazing, how, when you get married, you find
yourself doing all the things you swore you'd never do, don't
really want to do, and even your husband and his family don't
want you to do, because you think you should.  I've been there,
and also, one of the things that scares me the most is when I
hear my mother's voice come out of my mouth when dealing with
pets (who, thankfully, can't understand all the words) or
romantic partners.  If I had children I'm sure it would be worse.
(My mother's an alcoholic and a borderline.  I'm neither of those
things, but the echo comes from somewhere sometimes and the
struggle of my life has been trying not to become an angry,
bitter, ranty, scary person. Yeah, laugh if you've read my LJ and
a few of my posts to the list--I know I fall short of my goals a
lot.  But believe me when I say I was so much worse 20 years ago.
I credit Marna, among others I've known over the years, with
helping me figure out how not to make that happen.)

> (-: The point of being a Good Wife, of course, is that the
> spouse will then do his best to be a Good Husband, and you've
> got a mutual contract thing going.

Oh yeah.

Which is why when I was married I would be boggled at the
parental behaviours that I kept finding in myself.  Because my
mother was not a Good Wife and my father was not a Good Husband.

We broke up because of his mental illness, which he refused to
treat despite several diagnoses.  But I think it would have been
hard going even without that.  We got along fine on his good
days; but my mother and his father were bad enough on their own;
together they were terrifying.

(I note that this is my third husband.  My second husband was gay
and didn't know it; my first husband and I got married when we
were barely out of our teens and couldn't handle it.  I'm still
friends with the two of them.)

~malfoy :)

Azalais Aranxta (~malfoy)
ataniell93 on LiveJournal and Vox

"I know the true world, and you know I do. But we needn't let it
think we all bow down." --Christopher Fry

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