[LMB] Sex, Contraception, and Catch-22

[Rebecca Bauer]

Ed and Marilyn,
   I suspect there is more than simple bias in the salesman's approach.  The reality is, I'll hazard a guess, that with over 80% of couples, the husband leads in matters of interest to the salesman, and wives do not object.  I think I've noticed the behavior Ed and Marilyn even when the 'salesman' is female.  So the salesperson may be simply playing the odds, which aren't going to work in his or her favor in every instance.
 
 In my case, I don't find the expectation that my spouse pays to be personally annoying.  But I suspect that's partly a product of the relationship that I have with him.  Overall equality in a relationship does not impose a requirement for indistinguishable roles.  That said, I would find it a little annoying- and atrocious service/salesmanship- if I handed over the credit card, only to have it given "to the man of the house".    Would the sales droids also do that if I handed over the cash?
  I certainly think juries should not be in the business of deciding did or did not Mrs. Jones make it very clear she had a headache that night.  Now on a third or fourth date, even where the couple has previously done the deed, matrimonial privileges do not pertain.  Nevertheless, were I a judge or serving on a jury, I'd be inclined to regard such events as less serious than the case of a rapist grabbing a victim unawares in a parking lot.  There is a continuum in such transgressions, one that sometimes goes unrecognized in feminist ideology.  
 
Rebecca


----- Original Message ----
From: Ed Burkhead <ed at edburkhead.com>
To: Discussion of the works of Lois McMaster Bujold. <lois-bujold at lists.herald.co.uk>
Sent: Wednesday, May 7, 2008 7:01:03 PM
Subject: [LMB] OT: - Sex, Contraception, and Catch-22


Marilyn wrote much about social mistreatment and really bad abuse of women
in our society and it's right.

So, any ideas how we can make a more nearly perfect society?

It'd be nice if we can still keep some means of firm attachment between
fathers and their genetic offspring (except in cases of sperm donation) to
foster good parental behavior and support.  (It's easier to co-opt our
genetic programming than to fight it.)

I get irritated when people treat my wife in a similar way but usually don't
make a scene about it.  Perhaps I should make a scene about such treatment.
What do you think?

It's true I usually pull out my credit card since it comes out of the same
pot and I do things to make life easier for her.  And I open and hold doors
for ladies and children because a door is a two-finger thing for me but can
be heavy for the smaller person.

When we went together shopping for her car, I did make a point of standing
and looking at her every time the salesperson spoke to me instead of to her
but we didn't make an obnoxious point of it.  Your description of
salesperson behavior applies to a whole lot of the breed.

Ed

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