[LMB] Komarr question - why does anybody marry a Tien?

Natali Vilic natali.vilic at zd.t-com.hr
Mon Oct 6 19:42:52 BST 2008

Lois (hoffman2 at globaldial.com) wrote:
>> Entwife Judy, Claire Nollet and Mary are all right in their own way.
> Ekaterine was young and Tien was handsome, healthy and very charming 
> during the
> courtship his family friends of her family lots of approval all around.
> The Tien's of the world (both the verbally abusive and the physically 
> abusive,
> or Heaven help you, those who are both) ARE very charming, and can be 
> loving and
> attractive. It is only when they "own" you that the ugly starts to show.
> Many people are willing to take so much of the bad with the good, we are 
> all
> told that marriage has it's ups and downs, but I feel we need to be 
> educated
> about how down is a down allowed to be. (Marriage/relationships 101?)
> I have seen extremely happy marriages that have had the odd fist fight. 
> lived
> through a Tien "mental abuse" marriage that I was locked in (Catholic) 
> until I
> was too fat for his pride and he divorced me, although I was told to I 
> must feel
> sorry for him as he was a upset that he "had to leave me". The "other 
> woman" he
> next married is now gaunt and ill. He remains charming and loaded with 
> "trendy"
> friends.
> You cannot know a person until you have locked you life with theirs.
> Vetting by a really good husband may be a solution.

I agree. Thank you, God, for my good
choices (for I have known my husband a
very short time before we got married
- we celebrated our 18th anivesary a
week ago).

People marry tiens because they are so
charming, loving, dear and altogether
perfect in the beginning. My mother told
me often how wonderful my father was
when they first met and in the early years
of their marriage.
Tiens only show their hidden selves after
they started to feel secure, after they have
fixed their status in a relationship. So when
it happens, the other half in the relationship
normally wonders where she or he went
wrong, because the former so nice person
turned to a SOB, and it would not happen
without a reason, would it now? And so
the magic circle begins... That is also why
it is so difficult for the partners of a tien to
realize it is not their fault. For this perfect
prince/princess (I do have a difficulty to
picture a female tien) charming explains
so eloquently all those *obvious mistakes*
that their partners make on daily basis, their
*stupidity*, *worthlessness*, and generally
*bad behaviour*. Their partners cannot
think otherwise but that it has to be true,
and they try and try to be *better*, and so
bring back the person they fell in love with.

So did Ekaterina also, and it was so sad.

Someone criticized her for deciding to
get numb - but isn't that just the same that
Elena decided when she first learned that
she was living a lie here whole life? It is
just a first reaction to the shock, when
one's world comes crashing down - no one
so sensitive as Ekaterin could ever persist
in this decision.


More information about the Lois-Bujold mailing list