[LMB] Indogo children: was idle thought

Rachel Ganz rachel at compromise.fsnet.co.uk
Thu Oct 30 11:26:49 GMT 2008


 
 >Rachel - would you be willing to share the child-disciplining strategies that worked for you and yours?
 I'm not sure I have any that work - it's mostly a case of stopping things that don't work. If I can.

The foremost among these is losing my temper.

My top tips are:
Check food, fatigue and misery levels before you get cross about acting-up behaviour
Listen to complaints all the way, no matter how tedious, repetitive and trivial they seem. Then decide on suitable response (which my be nothing).
Carry out that totally inappropiate sledgehammer to kill gnat threat once, then don't ever make it again.
If it's not hurting anyone, is it worth making a fuss about?

"She'll no be doing that at her wedding" (Insert civil partnership, investiture etc. as appropriate)

Remember that she and I are different people, with different skills, desires, and expectations. 

She doesn't have to wear a coat because I feel cold.

Agree suitable punishments in advance and don't escalate them.

Let her reap the consequences of her actions.

Which all sounds like a parenting book of kindness, tolerance and consistency.
Actually, what it amounts to is
"I give up, ok, I can't be bothered to care about that"
"OK, I'm the grown-up, I need to behave like one"
"OK, I've really lost it here, how can we sort this out"
"I don't care you've had a horrible time with your dad, you don't have to come home and be horrible to me...."

But it's years since I threw her shoes out of the window. 

And after she kicked her way through a door to get to me when I'd locked myself in to get away from her, I realised that I either needed stronger doors or we needed to not get into that situation to start with....

Rachel



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