[LMB] OT: Unwanted presents, was Generations, was Fun -

Azalais Aranxta tiamat at tsoft.com
Mon Apr 6 11:22:28 BST 2009

On Sun, 5 Apr 2009, Elizabeth Holden wrote:

> --- On Sun, 4/5/09, Azalais Aranxta <tiamat at tsoft.com> wrote:
> > Er, actually giving people what you'd like yourself, or
> > what you think everyone of a certain demographic wants, is
> > cluelessness.
> There are all kinds of cluelessness, and misunderstandings, and
> mistakes in gift-giving, but I always like to appreciate the
> *fact* of a gift even if the gift itself isn't something I
> want.

This is very nice.  And proof that you don't know my mother.

People like this use gifts to hurt you.

It's not so much that you didn't get what you want and you were
entitled to get what you wanted.

It's the message behind the thing you don't want that you get
that hurts.

If this pathological thinking is utterly alien to you...be
grateful for that.  But I'm never upset that I didn't get what I
wanted.  I don't get any presents from her at all, any more, and
haven't for years.  I'm totally happy not getting presents from

It was the insulting presents that were problematic.  The $20
gift card for a store where everything costs $50 because she
thinks I have no taste.  The clothes two sizes too small and the
well, "why don't you try to lose some weight and see?" when it
was nothing I would ever wear in the first place (of course I
took them back).  The making my grandmother buy me things she
knew I hated and give them to me in public because then I'd have
to accept them graciously and use them in front of her.

~malfoy :)

Azalais Aranxta (~malfoy)
ataniell93 on LiveJournal and Vox

"I know the true world, and you know I do. But we needn't let it
think we all bow down." --Christopher Fry

More information about the Lois-Bujold mailing list