[LMB] General Theme Question

Judy R. Johnson jrj at fidalgo.net
Sun Jun 13 03:49:31 BST 2010

> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Tel" <teluekh at yahoo.com>
> To: "Discussion of the works of Lois McMaster Bujold." 
> <lois-bujold at lists.herald.co.uk>
> Sent: Saturday, June 12, 2010 10:04 PM
> Subject: Re: [LMB] General Theme Question
>> --- On Fri, 6/11/10, Natali <natali.vilic at zd.t-com.hr> wrote:
>>> If she have said yes in BiA, they would IMHO
>>> both be living on Barrayar, admiral Naismith
>>> would be not more then a liaison between the
>>> Dendariis and Barrayar, while the command over
>>> the Dendariis would go to Elena or Bel, since
>>> Tung retired. Lord Vorkosigan would perhaps
>>> take more interest in the development of the
>>> Vorkosigan district.
>>> But she could never endure that either.
>> You think Miles would resign his commission to be a stay-at-home dad? 
>> As a -lieutenant-? *g*
> I met a Colonel and her stay-at-home-minds-the-kids husband at a 
> college dormfloor reunion three was it years ago.... the husband 
> decided tht he would be the one resigning his commission to be a stay 
> at home parent.
>>> Why is everybody pointing out what Elli would
>>> have lost if she would have become lady Vorkosigan?
>>> Doesn't anybody see what Miles would have lost
>>> if he would have ceased to be lord Vorkosigan?
>> Miles doesn't have to stop being Lord Vorkosigan to get Elli. All of 
>> the things he's mentally attached to the role - military service, a 
>> gorgeous stay-at-home wife, vast numbers of kids, living on Barrayar- 
>> aren't actually necessary for him to stay on the right side of 
>> Gregor. I can think of a number of scenerios in which the two of them 
>> could get along. All of them demand Miles make compromises that he's 
>> not willing to make but he's perfectly happy to demand of Elli, though.
> I hadn't really thought about this until reading your post, but I 
> think you're right, maybe.  Elli -did- quite vociferously object to 
> Barrayar. I wonder if she would have accepted an arrangement with 
> Miles retiring and living on Barrayar or perhaps Sergyar, with their 
> children, and Elli continuing her Dendarii career.... it doesn't seem 
> all that likely to me, though, unless the Dendarii structure got 
> changed, which also doesn't seem that likely to me.
NEW -- JRJ> I don't recall that who would stay at home with the kids was 
ever discussed between Miles and Elli.  Yet Tel keeps saying that he 
refused to do so, as if it was stated overtly.  So did I miss something? 
  Actually, were kids ever mentioned?  Of course, they are implied in a 
proposal of marriage.

And it is true that if you live in a conservative society and want a 
peaceful life, you need to at least nod toward the accustomed 
child-rearing practices of your peers, which on Barrayar at that time 
would not include paternal nurturers and absentee moms.  Now, Cordelia 
had a vast advantage in that her shopping expedition conferred so much 
awe upon her that she could get away with a lot of variation in raising 
both the Prime Minister's son and the future Emperor.  She also had 
privacy and loyal servants.  But would she be able and willing to run 
interference for Ellie or be a substitute Mom?

But, really, I don't think such possibilities were even discussed.  From 
EofA, I gathered that Elli was fairly conventional in her family values, 
and would herself have expected to stay home with her kids had she 
decided to have some.  But she chose instead to focus on her career. 
  I've seen others who come from a large extended family do the same, 
consoling themselves that the family bloodline will survive quite nicely 
without their personal contribution.  Some didn't much care about kids 
anyway, but Elli did a lot of babysitting when young and was fond of her 
nephew, so since she didn't speak of babysitting as a fate worse than 
death, I think she would fulfill maternity with her usual competence -- 
had she chosen to do so.

Entwife Judy
Who doubts if the status quo is ever well enough to be let alone

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