[LMB] CVA - Chapter Eleven

Elizabeth Stowe estowe427 at gmail.com
Sat Mar 9 13:04:38 GMT 2013


Gwynne wrote: Tej wonders about a ceremony for her family, she's  
starting to
think about ways to cope (I refuse to use the word 'closure'.)

es: Gwynne, I think you've nailed it with the juxtaposition of "cope"  
and "closure." Oh, and please take everything I state as merely my  
opinion.

Cope over closure -- because closure seldom happens for those things  
which have affected people truly deeply. Someone might learn over time  
not to drag everyone else through her inability to deal with  
something, but that certainly doesn't represent closure.

Your chapter summary was particularly good on this point. Alys is such  
a controlled person that the memory she can't control comes out in the  
worst ways.

Tej wonders about the death ceremony at the point where she thinks she  
partook in a fake (marriage) ceremony.

Ceremonies themselves can't heal, whether performed once or annually  
for 35 years.

Coping suggests lack of closure -- and it doesn't guarantee healing.

The people we love the most and least want to hurt take the brunt of  
our struggles with coping.

What part of coping becomes permanently part of someone's personality?

Would closure be (1) ultimate coping, (2) successful tuning out the  
conflict, (3) successful resolution (and often forgiveness of self)?

In a story that parades the privilege of all the central characters,  
each is coping with permanent, distressful memories of threat and  
failure.

I guess I'm saying that I believe people never stop coping, and that  
the moments when that conflict (of trying to deal with a terrible  
memory) erupts, there's a story to be told.

  


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