[LMB] onlist rudeness

Elizabeth Holden azurite at rogers.com
Wed Jul 2 13:33:05 BST 2014

On Tue, 7/1/14, Paula Lieberman <paal at filker.org> said, with deliberate impoliteness, to Gwynne:

>  Reading pleasure my ass.
> Your style of pretrense g to politeness I regard as 
> ruder than outright direct assault.
Wow. Clearly politeness is not a value to you. Perhaps this is another cultural difference. Surely rudeness is to be avoided on any list if possible. (Or anywhere else) A veneer of respect for those you are conversing with goes a long way towards making conversations more pleasurable, in my experience.

> As for you're sick of attacks on Ivan, I object to being told that my 
> experiences with gorfs like Yound Ivan, are dismissable and irrelevant

Respectfully, Paula, while your experiences are relevant and valid in your own life, this is a list formed to discuss the Bujold novels, not the personal experiences of readers.  Sometimes personal experiences of readers are illuminating and useful to the discussion, and no one would want them to cease. But equally, our personal experiences aren't the same as the personal experiences of the characters we are discussing, and their world is not our world. Your experience is not in the books. Adducing your experience to prove a point within the text isn't really useful.

Being rude to Gwynne won't change that. Nor, as far as that goes, will her being rude to you. Are you trying to pick a fight? If so, it's an off-list thing.

You sound as if you are sounding off because (a) she disagrees with you, (b) you are mad at her for fostering chapter-by-chapter discussions of the books,  which you don't like, and (c) you are mad at her for talking about the Barrayar books, which you don't like. But many of us love chapter by chapter discussions of books, and we love Barrayar, and we are thankful that Gwynne shares her time and talent in fostering the things we enjoy.

I think you owe her an apology, but I suspect she's not going to get it.


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