[LMB] Trans issues (not entirely OT:)

Lois McMaster Bujold lbujold at myinfmail.com
Wed Oct 8 00:11:40 BST 2014

[LMB] Trans issues (not entirely OT:)
beatrice_otter at haugensgalleri.com beatrice_otter at haugensgalleri.com
Tue Oct 7 19:11:25 BST 2014

 > On Oct 6, 2014, at 6:09 PM, beatrice_otter at haugensgalleri.com wrote:
 >> I get what you're saying here, but I am saying this as an asexual
 >> person:
 >> even after my years participating here and enjoying this list, if
 >> asexuality were being discussed with the same tone and discussion
 >> patterns
 >> as I've seen here, I would be very uncomfortable and think seriously
 >> about
 >> leaving.

"Howard Brazee" <howard at brazee.net> wrote:
 > It has been my observation (limited, granted), that more people deny
 > asexuality than other-sexuality.

Beatrice Otter:  Yes, which makes it much easier to "pass" as normal.  
However, it also
means that when I *do* tell people and explain what asexuality is, I am a
lot more likely to get stunningly rude and invasive questions about my
sexual history and how much I masturbate and so forth.

LMB:  Mm, but this seems to me to be a particular case of a more general 
human trait, an interest in or curiosity about anyone who is or does 
something rare or unusual-to-the-questioner.  Not infrequently 
profoundly wrong-side-to, not out of malice, but out of ignorance.

"Where do you get your ideas?"
"How much money do you make?"
"Have you _read_ all those books?"
"Do you make your own translations/draw your own covers?"
"How much did you have to pay to get your book published?"

and so on.

Very, very few of these sorts of questioners are actually interested in 
reading the books in question (or even any books at all) nor engaging 
intellectually or emotionally with the story, mind you. Readers 
generally being a minority of the population.  So there's little 
potential reward for enduring them.

(Though it can also be tinged with malice, depending on whether it's 
something that makes the questioner uncomfortable or threatened in 
his/her/its identity or status.  "I only read _real_ books.")

Turbo-boost this with the general inability of humans to look away from 
anything with a sexual vibe, well known to and exploited by advertisers, 
and here we all are.

Ta, L.

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