[LMB] Attract vs. chased

Beatrice Otter beatrice_otter at haugensgalleri.com
Mon Sep 7 03:24:38 BST 2015

>> On Sep 6, 2015, at 20:44, William A Wenrich <wawenri at msn.com> wrote:
>> Here I think we come up against changes in language and attitudes. When I was (much) younger, a common phrase was, "I chased her until she caught me." (Also said with the sexes reversed.)
>> The song, "Every breath you take" come across now as pure stalking. That also can be said for Elvis' "Kentucky Rain."
>> Nobody courts anymore but men still try to be around / chase women with the object of matrimony, not just sex.
> On 9/6/2015 8:08 PM, fishman at panix.com wrote:
> Thank you, William. At least someone understood the way that I meant my original comment.
> Harvey
I knew what you meant, and the way you meant it.  And I do know people, 
both men and women, who enjoy making a game of courtship. But there are 
several problems with the way our society generally plays that game.  
And the most obvious one (that I've seen happen to girls around me) is 
this: the common wisdom is that girls want to be pursued, that we like 
being chased, and we're /supposed/ to like it.  So any time a girl says 
"no," or tries to signal in any way that she doesn't want a relationship 
with a guy, well, she's just playing hard to get!  She doesn't /really/ 
mean it!  And there are some guys who are just clueless enough that they 
don't /realize/ that no, she /genuinely/ doesn't want him or his 
attention, and there are some guys who know and just don't care, and use 
the "she was just playing hard to get, all girls want to be caught!" to 
cover their skeeviness.  I've never had it happen to me, but I've had 
girlfriends who did.  And it really, really sucked.  And oftentimes, it 
ended up with /her/ being painted the villain for "leading the guy on" 
or being a "frigid bitch."

There are ways to do a playful courtship/flirtation without reinforcing 
the stereotype that gives a certain type of assholes free cultural reign 
to harass women.

Beatrice Otter

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