[LMB] OT: The Exasperating Case of David Weber

Paula Lieberman paal at filker.org
Sat Sep 26 23:08:40 BST 2015


I forget which book it was where my summation was "occasional pages plot 
progression buried among the pages of exposition.

Hmm, going to John's on LJ material

Quoted from  a Weber book:

"Her comments about the state of the RMN were dreadfully borne out when a 
grim-faced Hamish began the day’s official announcements by laying out what 
he and the Space Lords were doing to begin setting the RMN in order."

1. The verb of this sentence is  passive voice: "were.. borne out.."
2. I see one("about the state)), two ("of the RMN"), three ("by laying") 
four "out what...)" five ("in order") prepostional phrases.
3. There are two subordinate clauses:  "when ... Hamish bagan..." and "what 
he ... were doing..."
4. There is one verbal taking a prepositional phrase as if it were an object 
*"laying out what he..") and another, an infinitive, taking an object "to 
begin [which is the object of the second  subordinate clause] setting" and 
then verbal "setting" which akns the object "the RMN."

"The situation wrought by blithering idiocy and malicious treason was dire, 
and defence of the Home and Terminus Systems the absolute priority. A 
majority of vessels deployed to Silesia were being recalled, including all 
with GSN personnel among their crews, and Her Grace the Steadholder 
Plenipotentiary had been kind enough to modify her order to allow such 
vessels to serve in the Gregor Defence Command, though most would be 
redeployed to Basilisk and Trevor’s Star. All decommissioning had been 
halted and where possible reversed ; HMS Reveille would be back in service 
as soon as crewing was completed, and all ships still in the decommissioning 
yard, or mothballs, would follow. "

I see a pervasiveness here of passive voice and run-on sentences...

And yet more all-pervasive passive voice:

"The executive branch was also being purged [passive voice], for peculation 
by senior ministers had both involved  [active voice, but still...] various 
officials and encouraged imitation. Lists of suspensions and dismissals, as 
well as charges, would shortly be published,  [passive voice] with equally 
long lists of new appointments. New ambassadors had been appointed [passive] 
and despatched  [passive] in many directions [1], bearing letters of recall 
[2] to their predecessors [3]and in all too many cases [4] further letters 
of apology [5]to the governments [6 prepositional phrases in this sentence] 
involved. A score of quangos High Ridge had established  [active] were 
hereby summarily abolished[passive] , in many cases with staffs referred en 
masse to the enquiry teams dealing with peculation. With the welcome support 
announced by Ms Montaigne, acts concerning the Naval Finances already 
outlined and sharply tightening financial protocols within government would 
be brought [passive] forward, but with the election ordered by Her Majesty 
imminent he did not feel[active]   it right to seek to introduce any further 
legislation before its outcome was known. [verb to be...]

======

I'm not sure if the particular book is the one where I stopped following the 
series or not....
-
-Paula Lieberman
-----Original Message----- 
From: Bill Welch
Sent: Saturday, September 26, 2015 01:27 PM
To: Discussion of the works of Lois McMaster Bujold.
Subject: Re: [LMB] OT: The Exasperating Case of David Weber

Verbosity is one of John's main issues.  I listen to these in the car, so
being able to ignore what's going on for a few minutes without losing the
thread is actually a useful feature.  Though even then, it's sometimes
excessive.

There is some good storytelling hidden in the forest.

Bill




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