[LMB] OT: helicopter parenting
M. Haller Yamada
thefabmadamem at yahoo.com
Thu Dec 22 01:32:03 GMT 2016
----- Original Message -----
From: Marc Wilson
Micki: >I won't object to the term "helicopter parenting" either -- I object to the concept, but
>I think the term is useful for combatting the problem.
Marc: What's your beef with it, specifically?
See also: seagull parenting.
Micki: Well, in general, nothing, because what may look like helicopter parenting to me
might be something truly important that's None Of My Business (for example, some of
Cordelia's behavior around Miles, although she did her best not to helicopter -- just
to hover from a safe distance).
Specifically, though, my daughter's host mom seems to have been helicoptering my adult
daughter, somewhat through concern, I'm sure, but also through some personal needs. And
my daughter doesn't know how to handle it, because I tend to be more like a Gregor-
mother: "Let's see what happens." Cordelia is a role-model for me as far as mothering,
which may be rather disturbing.
Telling kids to give up a "bad" boyfriend or to "spend more time with your family, not
with your studies" or to "give up that part-time job where you have to wake up at 5
a.m., it's not good for you" is . . . not productive. These are the kind of lessons
where a kid (well, an 18-year-old) needs to figure out for herself that something is
bad/good. None of these situations (that my child is in) are actively dangerous,
although they are not easy and maybe not optimal. Lots of time when you are young to
try new, not-optimal things. Later is when you want to put that experience to work to
find easy, optimal lifestyles.
Helicoptering prevents kids from figuring out their own solutions, and it teaches an
over-importance of the advice and "wisdom" of higher-ups. I wouldn't have the chutzpah
to tell my kid that I know the outcome of any of her little adventures. I sure haven't
done amazing things with my life because I followed someone's specific advice.
(-: Although, I did consider many sources of advice, and it has enriched my life
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