[LMB] Monogamy

Joel Polowin jpolowin at hotmail.com
Fri Jun 22 02:30:09 BST 2018

anmar Caver <anmar.mirza at gmail.com> wrote:
> This is very true, but it is only part of the equation. The other part is
> IMO more important in the long run is that it is not the business of
> someone outside of a relationship to judge. Maybe they had what I discussed
> above, maybe they did not, but in the end how they deal with it is their
> business. Even in poly there is the tendency to be "polyer than thou," or
> "it's not poly because it's not the way -I- do poly," and that is just as
> much of a judgement as any other. It really is up to the participants to
> decide if something is outside of their parameters, even if it is
> backfilling details later.

Broadly speaking, I agree.  But there are circumstances when I don't
think it's inappropriate to judge a relationship -- poly or otherwise
-- negatively: when one sees a looming catastrophe, inferred from
past behaviour.  "Crap, they're not involved with [X], are they?
Every time [X] has latched onto another couple, [X] has done terrible
damage, and I haven't seen any changes to [X]'s behaviour that might
suggest that they've changed."


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