[LMB] OT: Social butterflies and Wallflowers (was Orycon
(Very Long etc)
nbombay at mindspring.com
Wed, 12 Nov 2003 11:14:58 -0500 (GMT-05:00)
>And all you Social Butterflies out there might try to remember that saying "We're going to do X" will NOT be >taken as an invitation to tag along, unless the Wallflower knows you really, really well.
Which is fine. It just gives me an oppertunity to hijack people. You have to make explicit invites: We are going to the masquerade now. Do you want to come with us?
>Because, sometime(s) in the past, the assumption-of-invitation was met by "Who said YOU were invited?" or >equivalent non-verbal smack-down, and so now only specific, explicit invitations are assumed to be such. (And >even then, you're probably just saying it to be polite, right?)
I had to do a terrible horrible thing at World Fantasy, for which I'm probably going to be going to hell.
I had to purposefully ditch someone. This violates pretty much all my principles. If I don't want somebody to come with, I tend to just not inform them of the event, or that it's an option.
But my group at WFC, ran into one of our local sf club members. Lets call him "Bob". Bob is an unmedicated highly depressed man. We have tried inclusivity. And it never works. The group dynamics go bad. See, he's not merely depressed, he's also highly paranoid. And holds a grudge. It's been 6 months, and he is still upset over a club function- he arrived 30 minuites late for a movie, and we were not still waiting for him. And when the ushers were escorting him into the very very crowded theater to look for us, he didn't see us as we were in the back row. And we didn't see him, because hey, the Matrix was playing.
Normally, this would just be one of those things that happens. Instead, he waited around after the movie, went to dinner with the group. And complained for the next six months about being forgotten.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Unfortunately, he overheard us making plans to go to dinner- a group of about 6 of us were meeting. Our group coalesced a little early. And we more or less sunk out of the hotel while he was not looking. I feel really really bad. But I couldn't handle another dinner with Bob making the lot of us, very very miserable.
We all felt guilty- the entire group was composed of the people who were freaks and geeks at their high school.
That's how bad it was. We were feeling like criminals.
Elizabeth, criminal atache'