[LMB] Miles, Ekaterin and the Orb

Laura Gallagher kelts at earthlink.net
Fri, 14 Nov 2003 11:03:20 -0600


Corinna wrote:
> 1. Ekaterin has no real emotional upset over Tien's death.

Don't react - turn into stone.  That's how she's been trained.

>2. Ekaterin taking Nikki for treatment just after Daddy's dead.

I'm going to agree here with the other poster who said she had to try to 
grab that opportunity for treatment while the window was open.

All this time she's been scrimping and saving hoping to get a chance to pay 
for it out of pocket.  Now suddenly, because of Tien's death, she can get 
the treatment openly, which she could never get while he was alive and 
refusing to face the issue.  Out of the middle of all this ugliness, 
there's suddenly a silver lining.

>3. Nikki's reaction and Ekaterin's reaction to Nikki's emotions of the 
death
of his father.

Ah, this hadn't bothered me.  I see it that as Ekaterin learned don't 
react, turn to stone, so Nikki has learned.  He's been watching her, after 
all, and has seen how she's reacted to Tien's rages and such.  And kids DO 
see that sort of thing, and learn from it.  I assumed he was reacting, only 
keeping it inside.  That's what I'd expect from his family situation.  I 
think little signs poke up here and there, that there are reactions, and 
they're being brutally suppressed until another time.  I think the bathroom 
incident is the biggest of them.

>Which brings me to the other part of this point.....Ekaterin as mom:
What mother in her right mind sends her son off to school less than three
days after his father has died when he clearly does NOT want to go?

I think this goes with the type of family mentality that teaches that 
concept of "don't react, turn to stone" - an associated meme is "maintain 
normality at all costs." Keep the regular routine, look normal to the 
outside world, it's a defensive reaction.

For instance, when I finally left the relationship that was the Tien in my 
life, I managed it all in one evening.  Managed to get my stuff, get out, 
get childcare set up, get into another place to stay, EVERYTHING.  The next 
day I was back at work, and my son was starting daycare.  It was somehow 
tremendously urgent to me to do this, to maintain normalcy, to keep it all 
together.  Because if I didn't keep it all together, everything would fall 
apart.  I had people be AMAZED that I'd gone through all this and did not 
miss a single day of work.  Looking back at it, I wonder why was I so hard 
on myself?  Would it have been the end of the world if I had missed a day 
or two of work?  But I couldn't think that way at the time.  I had to cope, 
I had to keep it together and keep things running on rails.

I suspect it's the kind of thing that if you come from this type of family, 
or have known them, it fits perfectly - and if you haven't encountered 
them, it doesn't.

Debbie wrote on this:
>I had a son die after three weeks of hospital hell.  Dh and I were the 
most
functional people around until the funeral was over and the "to do" list
ran out.

Oh, yes, that's so how it can be.

My husband Karl (the good one!) first met my family when he flew with me 
and my son Brendan out to Iowa for my maternal grandmother's funeral.  My 
mother was being very in charge and in control of everything, especially 
herself.  I know her very well, so I knew she was under tremendous stress. 
 People who didn't would have undoubtedly thought her incredibly cold and 
uncaring.  The most emotion she showed all weekend was when we were sorting 
through Grammi's things and couldn't find the good pearls.  Karl next met 
her that December, when my baby sister was getting married.  Marrying off 
her baby daughter that soon after burying her mother was a tremendous 
strain on my mother, but again, if you didn't know her really well, you 
would have just thought she was this in charge lady completely 
unemotionally affected by the entire thing.  I found out Karl thought later 
that she didn't approve of him, or at least was completely indifferent to 
him.  Took a while to convince him otherwise.  She was just completely 
focused on coping, not letting any of the cracks show, and dealing with the 
List Of Things To Be Done.  She actually heavily approves of Karl, likes 
him a lot - but neglected to let it show at all.

So yes, I buy it.

Laura Gallagher