[LMB] repression and Ekaterin

MegJ megj at nwlink.com
Fri, 14 Nov 2003 20:56:14 -0800


Laura:
> For instance, when I finally left the relationship that was the Tien in my
> life, I managed it all in one evening.

Exactly.  I did the same thing -- well, it took me a bit longer than an
evening, but that was mostly because I was having to dance around not
letting him know that I was leaving until I'd gotten what I needed out of
the house because I was physically afraid of him.  That and having to
arrange for someone else to go to the house with me, and finding a place to
stay, and all that.  It took me a weekend and I was back on the job on
Monday.

But it was vitally important to me that I hold things together.  And what
made me able to do it was the gut feeling that if I fell apart, there wasn't
going to be anyone to hold things together, and who knew what would happen
then?

Same thing happened when I left #2 (marriage is not one of my talents <wry
g>).  That was the month I got divorced, took a new job, drove 5 days cross
country alone, and three days after I got there my dad died.  In Texas.  I
was in Montana, three hours' drive from the nearest airport that I'd never
been to before.  On Easter Sunday.  I still don't think I got a chance to
grieve my dad properly because if I didn't hold myself together, no one else
was going to do it for me for at least a couple of weeks after I got back
from the funeral.  But, boy, I was at my first day on the job on Monday
after I got back to Montana on Friday.

Ekaterin was in a very similar fix, feeling like she had no one else to rely
on, in a strange place a long way from home.  I seriously doubt if Nikki
knew that on a conscious level.  But I do think he repressed a lot that we
don't see because we're not in his POV (no, we never get Aral's POV, but
Aral in Shards is *not* repressing).   And he can't help but have picked up
vibes from his mother.  In a way, now that I think about it, the fact that
he felt safe enough to create the scene in the bathroom says a lot about how
well Ekaterin was holding things together.

Megaera