[LMB] Miles/Ekaterin

YankelAdler8092 at aol.com YankelAdler8092 at aol.com
Tue, 25 Nov 2003 22:18:57 EST

In a message dated 11/25/2003 3:33:42 AM Eastern Standard Time, paal at gis.net 
From: "Mitch Miller" mitchmiller at entertainmenttax.com

> In my tradition (Ashkenazi Jewish), a male who is not
> married is called a "boy" regardless of his age.  A wife
> makes a boy into a man. <

YUCK! ... There are some very obnoxious [or at least, I
find them obnoxious....] cultural attitudes involved in "a wife makes a boy
into a man."  The counterpart that until a woman is married, preferably
married and With Children, she's invisible<
Isn't there some parallel - "I now pronounce you man and wife".

Apparently, a girl becomes a woman at physical maturity, while a physically 
mature boy stays a boy until he matures enough to set down roots and start a 
family.  Not when he starts a random spawning, as in five children with three 
women.  Its not the woman's job to make a boy into a man -- no home improve
ment job here.  However, the decision to court and marry a woman indicates 
that this boy has become a man.

Although I see your point, as well.  Many single friends of mine see 
themselves relegated to the sidelines, while the wives are given more respect.  A 
former classmate of mine is a pediatrician, and gets less respect from her family 
then her married, home-making sisters.  
Part of that woman's difficulty is in her own desire to be married, and lack 
of success thereof.

Back OnTopic - Ekaterin doesn't want to be married while marriage is a cage, 
but she does want the best for Nikki.  She doesn't think she can afford to 
move out of her aunt's house on her own, or feed and clothe them, on her own 
budget.  Some of that has to be in the back of her mind, all the time, not just 
when she's thinking should she or shoulnd't she marry.

Also she doesn't seem to be invisible on Barryar -- she wishes her widow's 
blacks would make her so, but it doesn't work.