[LMB] Re: Maturity

Azalais Malfoy tiamat at tsoft.com
Tue, 25 Nov 2003 23:05:53 -0800 (PST)

On Wed, 26 Nov 2003, Paula Lieberman wrote:

> You mean like the divorced Army Ranger United States Military
> Academy alumnus I ran into, Mr Irresponsible who bragged in
> essence about what a lousy immature husband he'd been!??!!

You know...sometimes it's maturity and sometimes it's different

I have an ex who thinks I am terribly immature because I refused
to stop collecting dolls, which is an expensive hobby, and save
for a house, which I did not want.  I realize that many people
see houses as a sign of maturity, but I see house vs. apartment
as: 1) that much more cleaning; 2) no landlord to call and be
guaranteed a fix within 24 hours if the toilet breaks; 3) grass,
to which I'm allergic; 4) possibly suburban, which I loathe.  He
also felt I could give up books and use the library instead.

I do hope someday he finds someone who wants a house.  But there
really wasn't any reason for him to think that I would; I
wouldn't mind living in a house if I had a maid, gardener, and
chauffeur, but not if I have to take care of it myself.

> I've known a number of divorced people, who "matured" different
> than they had been during their marriage.  It's change, not
> necessarily greater "maturity."

Exactly.  But most of the time with divorces there are things
that were ignored from the very beginning.  There certainly were
in all three of mine.  A lot of times, I think, it stems from the
misguided belief that you are so weird you'd better hang on to
anyone who will put up with you, who doesn't hate you after they
really get to know you.  In all three of my marriages, one of us
believed that.  People who think they're incomplete or damaged
goods are too desperate to judge a relationship honestly.

I *have* been madly, insanely, utterly in love.  But if I'm
honest, it wasn't with anyone I married; I know this, now,
because none of my marriages were explicitly monogamous and two
were explicitly otherwise, and when I'm really In Love, I'm
hardly aware that people other than my Love have secondary sexual

~malfoy :)
"That wickedness weltering around inside of you, inside of everyone, is
sacred somewhere.  There's a deity out there who digs it.  You can respect
and love your darkest side, disposing only of what is obsolete or
impractical.  It's all about giving yourself permission." --Jack Darkhand

"It is better to be cruel for love than for hate." --Thomas Burnett Swann