[LMB] Ekaterin and the litany of abuse

M. Haller Yamada thefabmadamem at yahoo.com
Fri Jun 2 05:40:18 BST 2017


On May 30, 2017, at 5:08 PM, M. Haller Yamada 

> I think Ekaterin really tried early in her marriage, so I don't begrudge her throwing in the towel at this point. I'm not going to chide and say, "Oh, you really should try X or Y." 

Marina: You mean like clueless but well-meaning people say all to often to abuse victims?

My mother got way too many before she snapped and left.

Micki: Well, exactly. I've been on the inside with abusive relationships myself. One of the lesser 
problems to deal with is that if you share too much information, you shock people, and are pushed 
into doing stuff you aren't ready to do. If you don't share enough, you get "advice". How are those 
clueless people supposed to tell if a relationship is just slightly sour (in which case, things can 
be done to freshen it up), or if it's fundamentally rotten? And should people in abusive 
relationships just shut up about the problems if they don't want to deal with advice and "help"? 

Micki: I suspect that some of that clueless chiding can either help move a shaky relationship the 
proper direction -- either the person does stabilize things, or the person realizes that best bet is 
to knock the whole damn thing down. Not talking about the problems, though, just isolates the person 
(which is what Tien wants).

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