[LMB] Fwd: Re: Skippy's List in the Vorkosiverse?

Richard Molpus rgmolpus at flash.net
Sat Oct 13 12:21:26 BST 2018

28 Plasma Arcs are not to be used as cigar lighters, especially indoors.
29 Auditor Admiral Count Vorparadjis is to be admired from a GREAT distance.
30 Offering to give Auditor Lord Vorkosigan a puppy to calm him down and distract him is NOT appropriate.

      From: I <iosef at gothic.net.au>
 To: lois-bujold at lists.herald.co.uk 
 Sent: Saturday, October 13, 2018 3:49 AM
 Subject: Re: [LMB] Fwd: Re: Skippy's List in the Vorkosiverse?
On 13/10/2018 7:14 PM, Baur wrote:
> hmm .. i seem to be missing a few numbers ..
> it might be that the server is dropping messages ..
> could anyone please post a complete skippy list?
I was thinking about what Specialist Skippy Schwartz would be like in the
Vorkosiverse, and came up with a few ideas:

1. Playing or singing "Send In the Clowns" when the Cetagandan Ghem arrive
is no longer allowed.
2. Same, as above, for pointed references to Bozo, John Wayne Gacy or
clowns in general.
3. And while we're at it, mentioning Tammy Faye Bakker, the rock group
KISS, or any other makeup-heavy group is not appropriate.
4. When doing the "mirror dance," beginning to undress is inappropriate
5. When on Komarr, I am to remember that it is not Camorr, and not ask
about meeting Capa Barsavi and the Right People.
6. When on Kibou-Daini, I am not to pointedly play the song "Ice Ice Baby."
7. A Kibou-Daini native does not appreciate being called "Frosty the
8. Mentioning oatmeal and blue cheese dressing around Count or Countess
Vorkosigan is...unwise.
9. Discussing Vordarian's Rebellion is acceptable behavior. Commenting
that "he got himself cut off short and lost his head over a political
argument" is not funny. Even if it does send Countess Vorkosigan into fits
of the giggles.
10. When welcoming in members of the highest ruling class on Cetaganda,
playing "There'll Be a Haut Time in the Old Town Tonight" is not
11. Same, as above, for "Hair" (from the musical with the same name).
12. Before I congratulate myself on getting a wonderful bargain from a
Jacksonian (or Mark Vorkosigan) I should count my fingers. And my toes.
And my relatives.
13. "Zombie walks" aboard Kline Station are inadvisable. They make the
compulsive hand-washers go absolutely insane.
14. Going to see the horse races is all right. Getting into "a few
friendly bets, to keep things interesting" with the older Vor Lords is not
15. Showing people the TV show *I, Claudius* is not wise. The common
people find it shocking, and the Vor are busily noting down all those
wonderful ideas.
15.a. - same goes for Caligula (blue cover edition), especially with 
some of the more racier sets of the town clowns ..
16. * Never think you've outsmarted or outmaneuvered Miles Vorkosigan!!!*
17. do not play "light flyer chicken" with Count Vorkosigan - or Lord 
Vorkosigan .. they both loose their sanity completely the moment they 
sit down in a light flier control seat - and they are better pilots than 
you to boot
18 Don't try to win a staring contest with Zap the Cat, her offspring, 
or Simon Illyan.
19 If Lord Mike's Vorkosigan can't get red bean stew off the menu, you 
don't have a chance.
20 Fast-penta is not a recreational drug.
21. Don't give Kafka's THE TRIAL to Duv Galeni--he'll think it's a
historical document, and Simon Illyan will have it classified.
22. Don't let Gregor watch MAYERLING (features suicide by a Crown Prince).
23. Don't let people read Discworld books, everyone will be puzzled that
Granny Weatherwax doesn't have a hut with chicken legs.
24. Don't give Ivan a copy of Casanova's memoirs, he's a happily married
man, and it would only inspire him to write his own recollections. Tej would
pout. And then write her own.
25. By Vorrutyer may not bring an inflatable sheep, or a real one, either,
as his date to the next Emperor's Ball. Not even if she's really popular.
26. "Stunner tag" is an idiom, not a real game.
27. "Nerve disruptor tag" is DEFINITELY not a real game.

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