[LMB] Would I want to be a Sorcerer?

Beatrice Otter beatrice_otter at zoho.com
Sat Jun 15 04:38:41 BST 2019

---- On Wed, 12 Jun 2019 23:35:28 -0700 Robert Woodward <mailto:robertaw at drizzle.com> wrote ----

No. I don’t want any additional chaos in my life.

Beatrice Otter wrote:
I'm on the autism spectrum, and most people don't realize this but for autistics, social skills aren't the thing that most of us have the most problems with.  If you asked most adult autistics what we struggle with most, the majority of us would say executive functioning and sensory processing.  Executive functioning is the organizing/planning/managing part of your brain, sort of like the CEO.  (Here's a bit more of an explanation: https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/executive-functioning-issues/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-child-with-executive-functioning-issues)  (Poor executive function is also a characteristic of ADD/ADHD.)

My life is very chaotic because of the executive function that comes with being autistic.  My memory is terrible; I'm the classic absent-minded professor type.  I can remember things I've read, but have very poor memory for things that have happened to me or that I need to do.  Breaking down tasks into the concrete steps necessary to do them can be difficult, especially when I'm tired or hungry.  (A minor cold is enough to turn getting dressed in the morning into a major task that takes an hour to achieve.)  I have trouble managing appropriate levels of attention: I'm either hyperfocused on something (and I generally don't get to choose what) or I'm unable to focus at all.  I'll make post-it-notes to remind myself of important things and walk right past them without seeing them.

On the one hand, the VERY LAST THING I need is more chaos.

On the other hand, the easiest way to handle living with an executive function is to have other people do bits of it for you--remind you of things you've forgotten, for example, or interrupt when I'm hyperfocused on the wrong thing.  The type of chaos in my life is different from the sort of chaos a demon causes, and a demon like Desdemona might be able and willing to at least remind me of things I've forgotten.

On the third hand, a young demon with few human hosts to train it up into being a person of its own might take on my executive function.  It's not like a creature of disorder has good executive function on its own.  Then there would be MULTIPLE people with poor EF in the same body, some of them with the ability to do magic.  That ... sounds like a recipe for disaster.

On the fourth hand, if I got a demon that was not as obliging as Desdemona and wanted to become ascendent, well, if it caught me at the right time my hyperfocus would undoubtedly protect me.  But I don't get to choose when I hyperfocus or what I hyperfocus on, and the alternative is usually complete scatterbrain, and there's rarely anything in between.  I can't maintain hyperfocus indefinitely.  It would probably get me.

So on the whole, I think it would be a very bad idea for me to become a Five Gods-style sorceror.

Beatrice Otter

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