[LMB] AKICOTL: OT: A Matter of Manners

Pat Mathews mathews55 at msn.com
Sat Apr 4 15:20:11 BST 2020

Yes. A lot of clueless people tell me "The worst they can say is "no!" Wrong. The worst thing they can say is "Well! You have a lot of nerve, asking that!" or  something along those lines.
From: Lois-Bujold <lois-bujold-bounces at lists.herald.co.uk> on behalf of Karen A. Wyle <kawyle at att.net>
Sent: Saturday, April 4, 2020 7:08 AM
To: Discussion of the works of Lois McMaster Bujold. <lois-bujold at lists.herald.co.uk>
Subject: Re: [LMB] AKICOTL: OT: A Matter of Manners

There may also be some previous-generation female conditioning involved -- something to do with "being demanding."
Possibly related or possibly just neurotic: for me (also a boomer), asking for something makes me nervous because I feel as if I'm putting whomever I'm asking on the spot and/or risking a refusal. (The latter is of course always a possibility.)
Karen A. Wyle    On Saturday, April 4, 2020, 08:46:30 AM EDT, Howard Brazee <howard at brazee.net> wrote:

> On Apr 4, 2020, at 2:45 AM, Raye Johnsen via Lois-Bujold <lois-bujold at lists.herald.co.uk> wrote:
> The question is, is this just how my own family manners are, or is this an expression of general manners for a particular age group?

My wife and I are boomers who don’t imply requests.  We don’t make requests and don’t expect people to infer we want stuff.

My experience is that it varies from person to person, but I recognize that different populations have higher or lower percentages of people with each characteristic.

Your mom is a member of different populations that include geographical, cultural, and religious as well as age.  Some of them may influence what she expects.  Or it could be what her mother taught her.  Or it could just be her.

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